I am NOT a victim!

I had a good run. Four days of feeling fairly decent and functional. Not too sad and hopeful that I would beat this. Yesterday, it started to fall apart a little. And this morning, was rough. One of the things that happened yesterday was that I really tried to acknowledge my part in my disintegrating…

Awkward Social Contact

Part of my recovery is based on making or learning to make new social contact. It will give me the tools and the confidence to grow my circle of friends. My hope is to learn what it takes to befriend a person. The mechanics of doing it. The act of pushing myself outside my comfort…

Depressed to Fighting. Changing my mindset.

As I struggle with the dark pull of despondency, I realize that outside of my relationships, I have always struggled with loneliness. Loneliness scares me. I perpetuate my present situation to eternity, i.e, if I am alone now, I will forever be alone. This is my mindset. Believing the most negative outcome, and then yolked by…

Terrified

I woke up today feeling all wrong. I felt like a failure. I felt that everyone who has known me and will know me will know that I could not stay married to a woman I loved. Things at home have been not too bad. But there are constant reminders that she has moved on.…

Exploring Catalunya, Spain – Besalu

Driving Plans Our driving plans were to drive from Barcelona to Besalu, and then to a vineyard outside of Manresa and then onto our overnight pitstop in Lleida. Besalu We picked this location based on an article which stated that it was one of the more picturesque locations in Spain, And it certainly did not…

Montserrat

Within an hours drive from Barcelona is the must-visit location of Montserrat and the Monastery of Santa Maria . The mountain itself is striking from a distance. For one thing, its jagged, almost like a shark tooth look. Apparently most of it was a river bed eons ago, as evidenced by the presence of aquatic…

Fighting for my marriage

How I have been fighting for my marriage? So far, my focus was to show my wife I love her and that saving my marriage is important to me. I acknowledge all that was wrong with our marriage. I am trying to be a better and happier man. None of those things were an act.…

A better man , every day.

Thats going to be my war cry. Each day, I want to close the day knowing I did something that makes me better, stronger, happier, or better looking. Get lean and get cut. Why? Because its difficult, and because I could never do it. Because , I want to feel good about my body. Because…

Solitude – Coffee alone.

I was driving when the Starbucks caught my eye. I was still down with the flu, and I felt like sitting down somewhere that wasn't home. My son was asleep so I had some time to spare. I have never ordered a Frappuccino, so I asked the lady at the cashier to help me .…