Recovering from heartbreak

Awkward Social Contact

Part of my recovery is based on making or learning to make new social contact. It will give me the tools and the confidence to grow my circle of friends.

My hope is to learn what it takes to befriend a person. The mechanics of doing it. The act of pushing myself outside my comfort zone to achieve it.

I have initiated social contact with about 4 people since the beginning of this new chapter of my life.

The first is a couple, and I like both of them. They seem nice and easy going. I asked them if they wanted to meet outside of the meetup context where we met. I am still waiting on them to take the next step. I don’t want to be too desperate.

Another person I met was a girl I met during a meetup. And she must be more than a decade younger than me. I met her for lunch. And it was a bit awkward. She was very quiet,  seemed like an introvert. We struggled to keep the conversation flowing, and I certainly talked  way too much to fill in the silence.

The other thing was, even though, I was not remotely thinking about dating her. I was very aware that I did not find her attractive at all. It makes me realize how insanely superficial I am about women. 

I will be meeting another girl , later this weekend. She is a divorcee, and I am hoping NOT to pick her brains about her divorce. But I am hoping to see if we can strike up some platonic conversation. It will be an exercise in not talking about things that get you down.

On the surface, given how wounded I am, I think my heart desires desperately for female attention. It would make me feel like a man again. Wanted. But this is precisely the desire I have to overcome.

Can I not be just a friend to a girl? I have certainly had platonic friends before, but mostly  when I was in a relationship. And when I was not, I always led with my judgement of the girl as a possible sexual partner.

And then finally, I am going to meet with a guy . Meet him for a drink. Is that weird?  I am hoping to learn how to keep social contact light and casual.I assume that men will form an important part of my social life, and I have to be ok with having a men-dominated social life. This will be a first for me.

Awkwardness is not too bad a thing, I suppose. I will need to suffer it, as I search for something that sticks. And I am sure, the people I meet, will find me awkward too.

I do wonder, though. Do I keep contact with someone with whom I find no real connection? Do I move on and find more people? Or do I keep pushing myself outside my comfort zone and try to like them.

Can I really learn to accept people who I naturally am pretty quick to dismiss?

One way or another, I have a really long ways to go. No patterns have formed yet. No casual relationships started yet.

Next on my list it to attempt an open-mic night.


4 thoughts on “Awkward Social Contact”

  1. Good for you for getting out there and meeting new people. I don’t think you should try and force friendships with people you don’t click with but it’s always worth bearing in mind that people put up a front sometimes when you first meet them. It can take a few times to get to know even a glimpse of the real person.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Balance is a great thing. Friends in the blogosphere will never replace “in-person” friendships (it looks like you’re doing well in cultivating some of those) BUT my experience with blogging and meeting other bloggers is that, if there’s a little bit of a tendency toward introversion (be it ever so slight)… blogging is a great way to connect with others…. we’re connecting with people “within reason” and without overwhelming or being overwhelmed. IF you sometimes feel a bit awkward – Susan Cain wrote a GREAT book: “Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking” … cheers for now! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This is really brave of you! I am on a similar note myself, having moved back to my home country after nine years living abroad. Funny thing, I am almost phobic about making contacts but I did try to organise a meet up with two people and they bailed on me :)) But I had the other realisation to go out with the intention and openness of possibly meeting someone who could be a friend. I’ve never actually thought about that before thinking that I will never meet someone that randomly, and blocking the possibility altogether.


    1. Hi Vilina, I have been following your move back home. I wish you the best. I am so glad that you check in on my blog from time to time. It helps me. So thank you for that.

      Yesterday I met a stranger for coffee, and we are both going through divorce and so talked about the future and the past. It felt good to be reminded that connections can be made. I was closed off for so long because I thought I was strong and did not need anyone. Now I know that was arrogance and self-defeating.

      I feel like a little boy in a big world, starting from scratch building a new life 🙂 Scared but hopeful .

      Liked by 1 person

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