Before I delve deep into self-compassion and love. I think I need to re-define self-respect? What is that I regret/loathe the most about myself? I let my body go. I pick up things and don't finish them. I engage in many addictive behaviors. I don't give enough of myself and to others. I dream of… Continue reading How can I respect myself more?
Ok! I am not really an addict. But I did go to four meetups in a day. Wasn't having the happiest time at home, so carved out some time and space. A quick recap first. My wife has decided to leave the marriage out of a sense of unhappiness and has fallen out of love with… Continue reading Confessions of a meetup addict
I had a good run. Four days of feeling fairly decent and functional. Not too sad and hopeful that I would beat this. Yesterday, it started to fall apart a little. And this morning, was rough. One of the things that happened yesterday was that I really tried to acknowledge my part in my disintegrating… Continue reading I am NOT a victim!
I had two good days . No overwhelming negative thoughts. No anger. No feeling of helplessness. Even had a little hope. Nothing different in the days. Just practicing the many many positive ttings I have learnt on the blog, from wise friends, TED talks, and forums. I know the feelings will flow and ebb. But… Continue reading Two good days
In the many years of my marriage, I was lazy. I was focused on my role as a provider. Was wound up real tight. Was miserable, and made my wife miserable too. I spend hours dreaming of things and not pursuing them. I dreamt of traveling, doing martial arts, getting super fit and lean. In… Continue reading Skill Learnt: Mountain Biking
A fellow blogger wrote this on her blog: The Purple Owl , and I had to answer these things for myself. If you could have anything in life, what would you have? The love of my wife, the love that is now lost. If you were living your ideal life, what would you be doing every day?… Continue reading If I had an ideal life…
I am feeling low. Unable to work. Just a ghost floating through life. I am feeling tired, even though I slept for 8 hours. I am missing my wife. Miss being able to hold her. I want to talk to someone. I want to cry. I want to be held by my wife. I feel powerless.… Continue reading A few steps back
Part of my recovery is based on making or learning to make new social contact. It will give me the tools and the confidence to grow my circle of friends. My hope is to learn what it takes to befriend a person. The mechanics of doing it. The act of pushing myself outside my comfort… Continue reading Awkward Social Contact
As I struggle with the dark pull of despondency, I realize that outside of my relationships, I have always struggled with loneliness. Loneliness scares me. I perpetuate my present situation to eternity, i.e, if I am alone now, I will forever be alone. This is my mindset. Believing the most negative outcome, and then yolked by… Continue reading Depressed to Fighting. Changing my mindset.