Recovering from heartbreak

I am NOT a victim!

I had a good run. Four days of feeling fairly decent and functional. Not too sad and hopeful that I would beat this.

Yesterday, it started to fall apart a little. And this morning, was rough.

One of the things that happened yesterday was that I really tried to acknowledge my part in my disintegrating marriage. 

What are the top few things I would do different if I had the chance?

  1. Combat the fear, that has plagued me in life, by living a fuller life. My attitude towards life was that of fear based motivation. It forced me to do things, but it dug a deeper and deeper hole in terms of positive outlook on things.
  2. I was petty and small hearted. For most of my marriage, I embraced the principle of quid-pro-quo. Give and take. And in my calculus , what she did, was never enough. I kept score. Was not generous with kind words and action.
  3. Simply not fun anymore.  What can I say? No one, including myself, wants to hang with someone who is not fun. Life is serious enough as it is. After I have finished my daily toil, I need to let go. Compartmentalize. And try and live life to the fullest.

I think, from the beginning, my wife probably felt she was not good enough. That her husband did not love her for who she was.

I feel sad for what she had to endure. I was the stronger one, and she needed me to be much more kinder to her. She needed me to handle her gently, whereas, I was too frustrated and scare to be able to do that.

If my wife were my child, I suppose, I would not want her to be with a man like me.

I now know the true cost of being a negative and unhappy person. You hollow out all around you, and don’t add anything of joy and happiness to the world. I will try not to be that kind of man anymore. Thats a pretty good start.

How do you add value to others around you? Leave a comment and give me some ideas.


4 thoughts on “I am NOT a victim!”

  1. Really loved that analogy: ‘True cost of negativity is that you hollow out all that is around you.’

    This year, my fiancé and I have been taking steps to ‘focus on the now’ and being ‘grateful for now’ – then getting bogged down on the ‘what ifs’, ‘why don’t I have this’, ‘i want more because of this, that and the other.’

    So every morning we sit down (this sounds lame). But we commit pen to paper and list:
    – 3 things that we are grateful for (partner, pet, food)
    – 3 things that will make today great (opportunity, exercise, catching up with a friend)

    Anyways. That’s what has been working for us lately.

    Thanks for sharing your story!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thats not lame..I wish I cared about thinking about life like that… I was just in a battle day in day out… very different mindset… I saw an adversarial world, that I had to combat, for the sake of my family.

      I am now awakened and hope to see the world in a different light.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. By accepting what you state in the title of this post and all of the points you mention below. It is a process of acceptance, is it not? It is not a very easy thing to do and yet you have started. Take it a bit easy too and if you have friends around this is the time to hang out with them and lighten up the load.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. They say the first step toward change is awareness, so I’m glad you’re aware. I’m glad, though don’t be too hard on yourself. 🙂

    A bit of my story; usually after a whole day of not seeing each other, my husband and I have loads of stuff to tell each other. It’s a bit tricky navigating this when we both want to talk, so what we found works for us is taking turns to have a few minutes of talking air time (like TV air time). There’s no hard rule to how many minutes, as long as both of us have enough air time to finish our stories. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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