I woke up today feeling all wrong. I felt like a failure. I felt that everyone who has known me and will know me will know that I could not stay married to a woman I loved.
Things at home have been not too bad. But there are constant reminders that she has moved on.
As I go through this process of rebuilding , I am doing many things to help me build confidence and engage experiences which in turn will fill my life.
As I pile on what seems like a lot of positive experiences, I am still ,regularly, hit by pangs of fear, insecurity , sadness, hopelessness and loneliness.
Will I ever be happy again? Will I ever find love?
And in that moment, I feel like all is lost and that its not worth doing anything at all.
Today has been a tough day. Feel crushed and unmotivated. Had some fleeting dark thoughts. The kind that scares me.
I don’t want to go into a spiral of depression. But I don’t know what else I could possibly do to feel better.
I can only hope that with constant work at being positive and learning to grow my mind, body and soul, I will indeed, break free from all of the pain I feel.