Recovering from heartbreak

Picking up the pieces . Dream big or live day to day?

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I spent most of the day yesterday talking and seeking comfort of others. I spent about three hours on the phone. And then met a new friend for coffee for about 2 hours. And then went out in the evening for another 6 hours. So I spent more than 11 hours just seeking comfort from other.

I felt good. I felt loved. I felt some hope.

Next morning, was a little better. Wife and I talked about the prospects of separate living arrangements. It hurt a little. But I am trying to embrace whats coming. 

I am trying to accept the loss. Trying to let go of her. Trying to tell myself that maybe I am better off without her.

I have been telling myself that I should accept that there will be another man in her life soon.

In all of the conversation I got two conflicting pieces of advice on how to move forward.

  1. Dream of a future: Visualizing where I will be in two years and motivate myself for the day-to-day
  2. One day at a time: Dont build up expectation for the future, but try to love the day-to-day for its own sake.

I have been doing the former, but I find, that it leaves lot of room for assessing if that dream is any closer. And that leads to disappointment.

The danger with the latter is that I don’t know if there will be enough motivation for the small stuff without bigger goals.

How would you move forward when struck by grief?

 

 

 

Published by divorcehealingblog

The meaning of the “second chance” I seek has been changed a lot. I started writing this in the hope of saving my marriage. But as time showed me , that was futile and misguided. Now I seek a second chance to be father to my six year old boy. He will no longer live with me starting aug2018. I hope to use this blog to allow him an insight into his father. I would want him to read this when he is older. My original synopsis A man in crisis. I am a 30 -something man. My 10 year marriage shattering in front of my eyes. I have decided that writing helps. I am hoping to heal from whats coming, but before that I have to deal with it. Experience the pain, I know I will feel, when my wife walks out the door. I have a little boy who I don't want to lose. And I am scared. Of restarting my life from scratch. I am hoping to find kindred spirits on the blog, who are going through or have gone through what I am experiencing. But I have hope, and I have faith. To some degree, I hope to reconcile my marriage.

7 thoughts on “Picking up the pieces . Dream big or live day to day?”

  1. I don’t see why you can’t do the two concepts together. I think it’s important to find some joy and happiness in every day but long term goals are still important too. If thinking about the future is too painful at the moment then just concentrate on the everyday joy.

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  2. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. Here’s a virtual hug to hopefully help you feel a little better. ❤️

    I was just thinking of this same thing as Purple Owl (both options combined), but is there a need to have a deadline (2 years) for a long term goal? Would a moving deadline be better? While I can’t speak from experience for divorce, I can share my experience with healing from depression. I went with purely the 2nd option and took one day at a time, mainly because it was hard for me to think of a distant future (like 2 years) when it was already difficult day-to-day, and a deadline only makes me more stressed (like a marathon, I felt like I needed to reach a certain stage by a certain timeframe). It was also because it was hard to be motivated, and handling a day at the time helped with feeling better little by little.

    I realise this may not be the same as what you’re experiencing now, but I hope it helps at least a little. Do remember not to be too hard on yourself. 🙂

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    1. I don’t know how I missed this earlier… thanks so much for your kindness. How do you feel now?

      I am doing a bit of both now. I do dream of the future, and tell myself that there is nothing wrong with it not materializing. I can’t fail, if I never give up, right? If one dream doesn’t come true, dream another one and keep on pushing. Smile along the way, and hopefully, true happiness will follow.

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      1. No worries, I’m glad at least you’ve seen it! I’m thankfully no longer bogged down by depression. 🙂

        I think you’re doing a lot of all the right things, which is good. I understand this takes time, and I’m cheering you on. ❤

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  3. I think your motivation to get better and what you’re already doing is the most important. You’re following your own rhythm and your inner wisdom is guiding you. Let go of defined concepts, etc. and see what comes up naturally for you. You’re already doing so much and having good progress so don’t put too much pressure and try finding joy every day. or every other day. Acknowledge you’re in a process and there’s no deadlines for anything really. And again, your Higher Self knows what’s going on so if we learn to tune in and listen and silence the mind, it will be a gentler ride. 🙂

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    1. my week was rough… And yet, I feel a strange sense of levity somewhere. A sense of hope. I think my activities have risen my baseline of how low I can fall. I now know that , even if I am not ecstatic, I can at least go out and do something better than being alone and feel low. 🙂

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