Today I am planning to tell my mom about my impending divorce. I have struggled with my fate for 4 long months. And in that time, I have avoided talking to her.
Mom has struggled with strength and being independent. She , not unlike me, is plagued with anxiety.
She has tried to be loving, but is unable in ways that matter. She is proud of me, but not there for me. Aloof, buried in her own problems , distant.
I grew up feeling unloved. But in all , I feel sad for my mother. But in the aftermath of my failing marriage, I cant empathize for her. I dont have the emotional reservoir it takes to taln to her.
She struggles with her life and her son’s seemingly happy life makes a difference to her. And today , I am planning to break the news to her.
It has to be done. I have tried to shield her for all this time. I pray that this does not impact her severely. She is far away. I cant quite keep an eye on her. I am crushed and terrified at the thought of how she will process all this. Her worldview might shift.