Things I never saw through to the end

My life is a graveyard of abandoned hopes and dreams. I have always been a fairly motivated and focused person. I was supporting my family since I was about 20 years old. But there was something about me that took a bit away from my experiences.

I was always scared of failure, and laser focused to avoid it at all costs. This meant that I was not taking any chances. My sense of adventure withered and died.

Along the way, I flirted with many a dreams.  But my engagement to those endeavors was half-hearted. I was more of a dreamer, less of a doer. 

It stung a lot, when my wife (soon to be ex), would chide me for never finishing what I started. I would bristle with humiliation, and make excuses about how difficult my daily grind was. Excuses. And more excuses. 

There is something pathetic about a man dreaming big dreams and not having the discipline to follow through. And worst of all, making excuses for his inactions. My life. Expenses. Jobs. Feeling tired. There was a litany of them available at all times.

In the coming years, I hope to complete a few things. At least some of them.

1. Wanted to climb a mountain of significant height. Mt. Whitney and Mt. Shasta are some of the tallest in the USA. (Target 2017)
2. Do a tri-athalon. I would have to make some investments in a bike and learn how to swim before I can do this. (Target 2018)
3. Finish my black belt in tae-kwon-do. I stopped training more than 2 years ago. I will probably have to train for one more year.
4. Complete Java/Algortihms course online.
5. Camp overnight. Without a guide. Maybe by myself. Does not have to be remote.
6. Take singing lessons. See if it improves your skills.
7. Try and join a band. See if it gives you some satisfaction.
8. Do a tour of bay area mountain bike trails and log your time.
9. Learn Spanish. Try to certify that you know a bit of it.
10. Learn guitar again.