Filling the void

On Aug 14 2018, Andrew , my 6 year old boy will leave for India with my ex-wife. The days leading upto it and the months after will be the hardest things in the aftermath of the breakup of the marriage.

I have come to terms with the infidelities, the break of faith, and the loss of a once cherished albeit challenging relationship with my ex. I still feel a simmering anger, and the humiliation of being the man who was cheated on. The loss of my close friend, who was the other party In the infidelity and the subsequent isolation from my group of friends all took a toll on me.

I was and still am determined to turn my life around, and find great resurrection in my loss. And thanks to my wonderful girlfriend, Sarah, I have been able to do just that.

But , losing my boy is quite another matter. I once thought that growing up with adversity had prepared me for any emotional challenge. I was wrong.

Although, he will be visiting me every year and eventually, he will move back with me in 8 long years. I feeling like I am losing him.

I would have missed countless tender moments. Every night since he was a few weeks old, I have read to him before bedtime.

But like Sarah reminds me, I can chose to frame the situation as a positive adventure that we will have with him each year.

I have had some troubling and dark thoughts. I find myself drifting into negative thoughts, feeling that I could possibly not be able to overcome his loss. Most frighteningly, that I would lose everything that I have managed to build in the last year. That my sorrow would impact my relationship with my ever patient partner.

But I have hope too. Just proving a bit difficult these last few weeks. I just need to find a new purpose. For almost 7 years , my son has been the center of my universe. I have found meaning through him. And now I must find a way to fill that gaping hole in my heart.

I know with my new family, and my renewed dreams , I will overcome this challenge too. But , I just hope , I find my stride soon.

1 thought on “Filling the void”

  1. It is tough for both father and son to spend the growing years away from each other. But I think you are very lucky to find a partner who makes you look at the bright side of things. We all need hope in our lives.


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