I am coming up on almost 4 months since I was told that the marriage is over. I would like to take the chance to remember and reflect about my role in the demise of my marriage. I want to do this to think briefly about some things that I can change.
Right now, I am working on things that make my life exciting. But I am not really working on certain character traits I know are abrasive about myself.
So here goes:
- I am insecure. About deserving to be happy. About body image. And I act accordingly.
- I am petty and I keep score. Largely triggered by insecurity and fear regarding money. One of my fears is that I wont get to live my life, because I was always in providing mode.
- I want to be right at the cost of being harsh. This stems for insecurity. I feel that people wont respect me unless I show them that I know my stuff.
- I want to control all outcomes. In essence I am controlling. This stems from my inability to deal with failure.
- I am unable to be happy for myself, because I give up on the source of my happiness. Pursue things that make you happy.