Looking back I think one area of improvement in my life was my inflated sense of self. I realized this partly when I was sorting through the painful storm of emotions over the last few months.
I was thinking about all the people who I have ever met. And I thought to myself that they will think me a loser.
That they would feel that I was someone who had my life together and now it was all falling apart.
I was thinking of people I had dated, the people who admired me, and people who knew me from a distance.
But do people really care about what happened to a guy from years ago? Why does it even matter to me?
Its because I think that I was the shit. And I am just that guy who needs to be the center of attention. I was since I was a kid, and I see it in my son too.
I thought that people think about my life in comparison to theirs. However, The reality is that I was comparing my life with the lives of others , and imagined everyone was doing the same.
Now, I think that if I can find something that truly excites me. Just me. Then that shoud be enough. Why do I care whether the world celebrates me or not?
When was the last time I felt joy like that in anything other than my fatherhood?