fitness

My struggle with my body – Part 2.

Its as if I awoke from a years long coma. My body misshapen, my hair a mess, my skin a sun-burnt disaster.

I was in denial for years. I thought that my worth as a man was defined by by ability to take on the challenges of my financial situation. And that it was not worth my time to try and look good. 

Now, I can’t help but wonder, if I would ever be attractive to another woman.

My weight loss has plateaued. I am now 156 lbs ( first thing in the morning). I have lost between 18-20 pounds in the last 3 months. 

But I think I have lost a fair bit of muscle as well. I don’t feel particularly strong. But I look a fair bit leaner. I am planning to change my routine from being cardio intensive to resistance and weight training.

I am hoping for a lot more definition without bulking up.  Not sure how. I guess I need a lot more education.

I started taking a few supplements. Fish Oil and some Collagen Protein. Not sure if it makes a difference.

My workout routine is largely youtube video based. A lot of HIIT training, some ab workouts, and then a minor strength training with light weights.

I am sometimes not certain, what being lean would do for my psyche. Part of the gratification is from being able to do more physically. Part of it is about having achieved something difficult. And finally I would love it if I catch the eye of another woman. A casual glance, perhaps, to indicate that there is some primal reaction to all this effort.

I need that validation. To feel like a confidant man again.

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