Recovering from heartbreak

My boy. Will I lose him too?

As I go through a turbulent, and hopefully transformative journey, I have been trying to be as attentive a parent as I can be.

I have a little one. He is a little dynamo of joy and energy. What a privilege it is to be his friend, companion and his father.

He loves legos, making and remaking them to follow his own silly design cues. He loves transformers, the kiddie version thats on Netflix.

Our days are full of rough and tumble wrestling matches, where we invent silly weapons. He hits me with a blast of “Rotten-Egg” power. I shield myself with a “magnetic shield” power. Then he retaliates with an “Electric Wire” power, and shocks me. On and on it goes.

I read to him everyday, I have been doing it ever since he was just a few months old. He always loved it. Still asks for it, and gets upset, if I can’t read to him, for some reason.

He likes to read back the books. He does it from memory, which is quite remarkable. He will read a whole picture book back to me and my wife.

He is the joy of my life. The best thing I have ever done is bring him into this world.

So what happens when my wife walks out. She will want to go back to her own home-country. And I will potentially lose my son.

This is going to be the toughest thing I will ever have to face. I am scared of being alone. I am scared of not finding love. But I will find all those things tolerable, if I have my son. I want to be a single dad. I want to raise him. 

I think I am a good father. Teaching my son everything from reading, writing, swimming, biking, soccer. Everything a boy will need. I have fed him, bathed him, and changed his diapers since he was a little baby.

My wife leaving the marriage will destroy his chances of growing up in a loving home with mom and dad. I can’t fathom how this will impact him. Its a terrible fate, that I would not wish on him. I really really hope for his sake , me and wife can find love again. 

I can’t bear the thought of losing him. I pray for him. I pray for my wife and me to find each other through this hopeless and sorrowful darkness.

 

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