It was my first valentines day in 16 years, when I was single. Yes, I am still married, but very very alone in matters of love.
As a quick background , you can read about my very recent separation from my wife. The End
Valentines day went fine enough, I bought her a token gift, and planned to spend the evening pursuing one of my new social adventures.
Two things tripped me up. My wife engaged me in a somewhat long conversation about how she was feeling, and how she was very unsure about her being ever be able to feel love for me. Basically a reminder about how bleak things are.
And when I was out there, at this bar, I felt that , my social outings were not doing enough for me.
What exactly do I expect? Am I expecting love? Am I expecting excitement to fill the void ? Or am I looking for friendships?
Whatever it is, I suppose, I felt like I am not getting it. I woke up today, feeling paralyzed with sorrow and lethargy. I was feeling a bit under the weather, maybe that contributed. I felt like not going to work.
When we rebuild our lives, how are we supposed to go about it? I followed all the advise out there. But I wasnt ready for the lows.
My boy woke up and came into my room, and things got a bit better. He spent a good 40 minutes jumping all over me and we cuddled and wrestled.
And I remembered that no matter what happens, he is the reason , I must be strong. And strong is the first step to happiness.
I wish all my kindred spirits, and lone heart broken warriors a happy passing of valentines day.
Till next time.